Day Seventy Two.

    I got great sleep last night....it probably had some thing to do with the fact I was exhausted and I had most of my family sleeping underneath me....which is always comforting. When I got up, even though I wasn't ready for work, I was ready. I just couldn't wait to go and get the day over with so I could have the weekend off. It ended up not being that busy of a day for anyone, but I was still busy up until I had to leave. I got home to my sister just leaving, but I was glad I got to see her for a little bit more. My parents ended up staying for a few more hours. It was actually really nice spending the evening with them because I was in much more of a relaxed mood and we had a nice time together. They ate a lot of the left overs from the night before, then they hit the road.
    After they left I had just enough time to tidy some things up, then get in the shower. I tried not to be overly obsessive about cleaning and there actually wasn't that much to do. I did wipe all of the tables down, clean the floor in the kitchen and the bathroom a little bit. I also was able to throw a load of laundry in before my shower. I had no idea what time exactly my boyfriend was going to be arriving so I just went about my normal schedule and when I got out of the shower he had just gotten to my house! We decided to go to this new restaurant/pub near where I used to live in college. It was filled with hipsters, beatniks, and yuppies....oh my! Haha....the menu was very bizarre, I think my second to oldest sister would have really liked it though. Everything had one ingredient I didn't like in it....like pine nuts and radicchio. The beer, on the other hand, was absolutely amazing. I had a New England Sea Hag IPA and my boyfriend got a flute of four different varieties, all good! After that we went to the bar I used to go to in college for one then back to our usual spot.
    The best part of the night was after we got home when my boyfriend and I listened to music and danced in the kitchen until 5am. It's absolutely amazing how much fun I have with him, I really think he's my perfect match. I forgot to say when we were at our local watering hole we met a really cool older guy whom we talked to the entire time we were there. He was filled with all these wonderful experiences....he actually reminded me of my Mother a little bit. A great day! Well, that's it until later!

Day Seventy One.

    Well today was Thanksgiving and it certainly didn't slow down things at work. The first hour wasn't bad at all, but then it was busy for the rest of the day. I actually felt pretty good today because I got a decent nights sleep last night, so I was ready for the challenge. All in all it wasn't a bad day and the crew made it pretty decent. The two people I was working the closest with actually have tomorrow off, so that made me a bit jealous, but at least I don't work the coming weekend.
    Once work was over I was finally getting excited about seeing my whole family and when I got home the turkey was only about two hours away from being done! I said hello for a few minutes then went right upstairs to take a shower and get it out of the way. After that was over it was finally time to relax a little bit. It took me a while to get the table and the breakfast bar area cleared off so that I could get all the place settings out. I can't believe how much one acquires in such a short amount of time, it's just crazy. I just kept moving things into various areas of my house and in a bit of a hurry. I hope I can find it all again, but it might be good motivation to finally find a home for some of these things. They are just some random items which I have no idea what to do with....for instance my scrap booking items. Ugh, I need more storage space! Dinner ended up being excellent and I definitely ate way too much. Then after dinner we had three pies....banana cream which my oldest sister made, my pecan pie, and my twin sister made us a sweet potato pie. All the pies were good....yes, even mine, and my other sister made up some whipped cream!
    The worst part about Thanksgiving dinner if you ask me is the mess. My Mother said she had been cleaning up the kitchen all day long, but no matter what you do the mess afterwards is terrible. Now, I know that my sisters would have washed the dishes, but because it was my house and I didn't contribute to making any of the food, I decided to do them. It wasn't that horrible, but my hands were pretty sore going into it and now they are really sore. I've actually been putting cream on my hands throughout the entire day today due to the fact that the weather has been so cold lately. I got to speak with my boyfriend on the phone a couple of times today and it sounds like he had a great dinner. I'm glad that he is getting a few days off because he certainly deserves it more than most people right now. He still says he'll be back here tomorrow night so I hope that is the case. I am missing him terribly and am looking forward to spending some more time with him this weekend. Well I guess that's all for tonight:)

Day Seventy.

    I can't believe that yesterday was day sixty nine and I didn't comment about how funny that sounds:) Anyway, it's actually hard to believe that it's day seventy of this blog! I am currently making my award winning pecan pie....that's a little joke. Anyone of my family members would love to tell you that "award winning" and "pecan pie" are not the words they would use when describing my last years baking project. It wasn't until after Thanksgiving was over that we realized my downfall was the fact I forgot to put eggs in the mixture....opps. My poor Father ate an entire piece of that pie to make sure I didn't feel bad. I just took the pie out of the oven and at first it was looking great, but then half of it did this strange rising thing....ugh, I'll never get it. When I got out of work today my Mother was already at my house. My two older sisters and their significant others will be coming tomorrow, as well as my Father. I'm excited to see everyone; it is just pretty annoying that I have to work! I hope that I won't be too anxious about having a full house and I can try to enjoy having my family around a little bit.
    I am so happy right now because I finally handed my performance review in at work! Of course when I mentioned this to my Mother she made a comment about how now is the time to really worry. Ugh, I don't know why I bother to speak to her about anything that has to do with work. Anyway, when I got home I tried to hurry up and get in the shower so that I could start doing everything that I had to do. I did talk to my Mom a bit and I put a load of laundry in before I got in the shower. Ultimately, I really hope I can get it folded tonight so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow when my family is here. Once I was out of the shower I took the time to take my Halloween decorations down from around the house....since tomorrow is Thanksgiving:) I was also watching a movie with my Mom at the same time....it ended up being a pretty nice evening.
    My boyfriend showed up around 8pm and he picked up dinner for us, then he moved my Mother's car into my garage. He got up early today to make sure everything was out of the way for it. He didn't stay too long tonight which I was upset about but he does have about a three hour drive to his Brother's house. He wasn't worried about the lingering weather because he finally picked up his Ford Escape from his mechanic today, unfortunately he was having engine temperature issues on the way here. All of which he kept quiet from my Mom. It's was cute that he felt the need not to tell her because he knew how it would upset her to here about that. Eliminating or toning down potentially horrific stories has always been something my sisters and I have done around my Mom. It's pretty much because she can't really handle certain situations without completely panicking about them. Even when she doesn't panic at first about them the storm comes later....those are usually the worst. It's really unfortunate because she has a lot of good life experiences but her reactions to some things can be enough to scare you away from ever talking to her about them. Alright, with that being said I'm out for now:)
   

Day Sixty Nine.

    I need to get some sleep tonight because I definitely didn't last night again. I think I just have so much going on this week that it's keeping me up. I thought that my Father and Mother were both coming tomorrow night but as it turns out because of the inclimate weather my Dad won't be able to make it until Thanksgiving Day. Mom said she would try to get here early. I was late getting to work today because of the snow.  It's not that it was so bad but the short cut I usually take was blocked off by the police for some reason. I had to go the long way around and it took me forever. Work wasn't too bad today....I might be jinxing myself but it could be the pre-Holiday slow down.
    After work I reluctantly went to the food store to pick up meat for dinner and a few other items for Thanksgiving.  Even though it was snowy it was actually not terrible because its really not as cold as it had been this weekend. Once I got home and the groceries put away I went through the mail and took the recycling outside-burr. It was already almost 5:30pm by that point so I got in the shower and was folding laundry when my boyfriend arrived. I was so glad to see him but a bit distracted because by that point I hadn't heard a word from my Mom or Dad about their plans. I ended up calling my Mom, which kind of annoyed me at first because all she was concerned with was whether or not she'd be able to put her car in my garage when she arrived. She wants to keep her car here while she is in Florida, which is fine with me, but I certainly haven't really done any garage prepping work. I tried to be patient with her so I just told her that I was slightly stressed out and to bare with me. I got her off the phone because dinner was ready and then while we were eating she called two more times....I didn't call her back. All she wanted to tell me was what my Dad had already emailed me!

    I was a little anxious at work today because as I was walking around a corner I ended up looking down and found a trail of blood on the floor. It was so gross....I tried to tell people around me to avoid stepping in it and some lady told the appropriate people who were going to clean it up. I have no idea where it came from....I mean I do work in a hospital but in the main corridor, for someone to have been bleeding that much is pretty disturbing. This happened around 11am and I tried to keep it out of my mind. It did stay, in the back of my mind, throughout the morning, at the food store and even when I got home. The first thing I did was take my pants off and change into the pair of pajamas I had worn the night before so I didn't feel as though I was contaminating my whole house. Well, I guess for the most part I think over all I did pretty well since I didn't feel the need to obsessively wash the floor. I think it's just because of how wet the ground is....I figured anything that was on my shoes must have been wiped off by the time I got home. Alright, well that's it for now!

Day Sixty Eight.

    It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I was so tired due to the fact that I  [/452had such a difficult time getting to sleep, it really took me forever. It's really challenging trying to get to sleep before 11pm when your average bedtime is 2am. These evening weeks to day weeks aren't getting any easier that's for sure. Once I got up and moving I felt okay and was ready to go to work. It wasn't a bad day at work, I was just tired. I was also slightly frustrated because one of the things I have to get done by the end of the month wasn't available today so I have to put it off until later this week. It's a bit of a quality assurance test for us and I was just going to do it today to get it over with....now I have to wait!
    When I got out of work today I ended up coming right home and doing a little bit of exercising. I did not get on the elliptical machine but I did do some ab workouts on the floor because I have been feeling very flabby lately. I did them upstairs in my bedroom on the carpet and realized that it was probably time to vacuum up there. After I vacuumed I put a load of laundry in and took a nice, hot shower....it felt so nice after being so cold all day. By the way did I mention how cold it is?! Before I got in the shower I had to fight the urge not to empty the vacuum out. I realized that it's probably been way over due but it was a project I knew would take a ton of time and I didn't really want to get into it tonight. I'm pretty proud of the fact that I was able to just let it go!
    Once I was done my shower I finally folded the laundry I had done yesterday and then got to work on my performance review. After reading what I had written last week I realized I didn't really like much of what I had said so I ended up re-doing a lot of it. It's so hard for me to evaluate myself because I think I have a tendency to be a really hard critic which isn't necessary the best thing to do on these reviews. I think you need to really build yourself up and prove your worth....it's hard to do what when half of the time I come home from work I feel like I could have done a lot better. I think that's just my obsessive nature though. My one therapist used to say that I would make even bagging groceries a stressful job! Oh well, she's probably right! I don't think I'll be able to hand my review in tomorrow, but Wednesday will be the day! My boyfriend is going to come over tomorrow so maybe I'll review it one more time before he gets here and then call it quits. I think tomorrow is going to be taco night! In other exciting news apparently he finally got his hair cut! Okay, well that's all for now!

Day Sixty Seven.

    I felt surprisingly not hung over when I woke up this morning which was a good thing! My boyfriend and I are contributing it to the fact that our usual bar tender wasn't working last night so our drinks weren't as strong as normal. My boyfriend's parents ended up stopping by after we woke up only for a few minutes to get their car which my boyfriend had borrowed while he didn't have one. It was really nice to see them even though it wasn't a very long visit. I really didn't do too much today, in fact, after they left my boyfriend and I ended up relaxing on the couch for almost two hours even though we had to go to Target. It was almost 5pm when we decided to get ourselves together and go on our errand.
    It was a very successful trip to Target and I got a lot of the things I will need when my family comes for Thanksgiving. It was an expensive trip because I bought the new microwave. This trip I had to get paper towels and toilet paper, but I am proud because I still had a good amount of soap leftover at home. I did end up getting three bottles though....just because I was there. So by the time we were done shopping neither one of us wanted to cook so we ended up picking up some Chinese food! It took me a long time to get everything put away when we got home and my boyfriend ended up eating his soup while he waited for me. Once I was done we started watching this movie which ended up being horrible, it was called "The Internship".
    I am getting anxious for tomorrow at work because I felt like I was just at work and I have a lot to do this week. I can't believe that the Holiday week is coming up and I work five days in a row! Having to work Holidays is definitely one of the worst parts of working in my field. I thought I did a good job tonight after we got back from Target getting things put away and not obsessing too much about every little detail. I knew my boyfriend really wanted to eat dinner so I tried to speed the process up. I am going to take a shower tonight and finally get the laundry from last night in the dryer. Even though I know I'm going to want to clean the house up tomorrow after work I am really going to focus 100% on getting my performance review finished. I think I'm going to be much more relaxed once that's finished, so that is my top priority. Alright I will let you know how it goes tomorrow!

Day Sixty Six.

    I was very happy when I woke up yesterday because true to his word my boyfriend crawled into my bed around 11am. I didn't go to bed until really late the night before so I was still sleeping. We spent a really long time chatting and catching up on what happened the previous week so we didn't get out of bed until early afternoon:) We couldn't really decide what we wanted to do during the day, but finally settled on going to Target, seeing a movie and then going out to get drinks. Unfortunately, we weren't really in a huge rush so the Target trip didn't end up happening. We did make it to the movies, we saw "Captain Phillips"....which was alright. It certainly wasn't the greatest movie I've ever seen, I thought the main character was lacking the likable factor so you never really were 100% on his side. After the movie we went to dinner and got drinks, so of course we were out to late.
    Yesterday ended up being a really nice Saturday; it was just so nice taking it easy and not rushing around. I didn't really get into any chores either which made for a nice break. The only thing I ended up doing was putting a load of laundry in prior to my shower....which I will have to finish today. We are definitely going to go to Target today because I have to get a new microwave before Thanksgiving and it's going to be nice with my boyfriends help lifting it.
    I'm starting to get a little anxious about all the things I have to do at work this week....the biggest being my performance review. I have to hand it in before Thanksgiving or I will be stressing about it the whole day. I am going to have my boyfriend read it today and tell me what he thinks I need to change, then I can put the finishing touches on it tomorrow night since I'll be by myself. My boyfriend is going to his Brother's house for Thanksgiving so I will not get to spend the day with him, but I have to work anyway. My family, with the exception of my twin sister, are going to come here to my house for the day so that I won't be alone. I'm really going to have to let my guard down and go with the flow or I'm going to get really anxious with a house full of people. More about that later!

Day Sixty Five.

    It's the first Friday night in a really long time that I'm not with my boyfriend. I think since we met it's only happened maybe a total of four times. If you can believe it he had to work in the City last night then work all day today. I can't believe that he was able to get through today on no sleep at all. He called me earlier to tell me that he had to work all day today and that he probably wouldn't be coming over tonight. I was really upset at first but then realized that it was no use for him to come here when he was just going to have to go to sleep. He sent me a text around 9pm tonight and told me he was home and going to sleep. I'm not sure what time he will be here tomorrow and I'm trying not to harp on it at all....he'll get here when he gets here is what I've learned to keep telling myself over the past few months. When I found out right before I went to work today that I wouldn't be seeing my boyfriend tonight I think it upset my Mother and she made it seem like she thought she should stay. I tried to explain in the nicest way possible that I actually was looking forward to a night to myself. My oldest sister decided to go home with her this weekend because she has a lot to do around her house before she goes back to Florida, so she drove her home.
    So I'm starting to sound like a broken record here but tonight was horribly busy at work. Actually, it was probably the slowest of all the evening shifts this week but I had something that I've never had to do before which consumed a lot of my night. When something new comes up I really have to put a lot of focus on it so I don't screw it up and a lot of things tend to get put on the back burner, which always has a negative consequence. I did everything I could to make sure that I wasn't making a mistake and I hope that all the effort I put forth was beneficial. I didn't get coffee or something to eat until about 9pm, but that was okay because I had a big breakfast and wasn't really that hungry until then anyway.
    This morning my sister and I got up around 10am....I was still so tired, but forced myself out of bed so I could spend time with her, as well as my Mom. She took my dog for a nice walk around the neighborhood and I got myself together so we could grab some breakfast. We ended up going to this great coffee shop in the town where I live and I really indulged in a big old breakfast sandwich. It was really delicious:) It was called the "Vermonster"....haha. It was egg, bacon, and maple syrup on a cheddar biscuit. Pretty much it was the most fattening sandwich offered on the menu and I ate the whole thing. It was kind of nice though because it kept me full for almost 12 hours! At any rate after my sister left I spent time with my Mom, paid bills, and got rid of a lot of papers I really have been meaning to sort through but haven't had the time. Like I said yesterday, I try really hard to suppress my cleaning OCD when my Mom is around so I focused on the less obvious things I get obsessive about....like bills! When that was done I took a shower, folded laundry from the day before and it was time to go to work.
    It's always hard to describe the feeling I have when I've had my Mother at my house for a few days and I come home to her not being here. My Mom is so hard to describe to anyone who hasn't met her. She has such a spirit about her and when she is not around the whole house feels so empty. My Mom has a booming personally, I mean she has more emotion and life in her than most people ever do. It's something that has taken me a long time to truly appreciate, I mean there are a lot of people out there that are completely emotionless. Anyway, sometimes it can be so hard to be around her because after a hard day at work the last thing you want to do is be full of emotion. However, we ended up having a good few days together and I'm glad I'll be seeing her next week for Thanksgiving as well. I'm actually looking the most forward to visiting her in January when I'm on vacation from work. It's those times that we get along the best because I don't feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I can just relax when I'm around her, instead of always being stressed about work. Alright, that's it for tonight:)

Day Sixty Four.

    I sure did have a busy night at work....I ended up not getting home until almost 12pm. I was in a hurry to get home particularly tonight because my Mom is still here and my one older sister was coming for the night as well. I thought she would be working really early tomorrow morning but it turns out she doesn't have to go in until later, so me working later tonight wasn't a terrible thing. I feel like I forgot to do a lot tonight at work which makes me feel slightly on edge. I only hope that I remembered all of the important issues. Sometimes there's so many things going on that it's nearly impossible to remember everything. I ended up getting my coffee around 5pm....I was calling it the calm before the storm because at that point I was all caught up. I did eat a Lean Cuisine for dinner around 9pm, but it simply solidifies how much I hate eating at work. It's just so rushed and I never feel like I can enjoy it.
    This morning when I got up I hit my snooze button on the alarm quite a few times. I ended up going to bed later than I wanted to last night and for some reason I had a hard time sleeping. I kept hearing voices outside the window, I think there was a social gathering at a house down the street, but it kind of unnerved me. When I got up my Mom had just gotten up as well and we had some coffee. I didn't get that much done this morning, I did empty the dishwasher and put a load of laundry in. I also went through the mail. I am going to have to get up at a decent time tomorrow because I do have some bills to pay before we go into the Holiday week.
    It's always a little hard having my Mom here because I really have to force myself not to get overly obsessive with cleaning and hand washing. She gets so upset with me when I'm doing really bad with my OCD so I try to hide it as much as possible. It's also hard having a house guest around like my Mother because she's not really that conscience of how I like to keep things. For instance she's been putting my mail right on the kitchen table which has been driving me crazy. I like to go through the mail right when I get home or put it over where I keep the recycling, so I can just wash the counter top off after I go through it. When I write these things down it makes me feel guilty that I am the way I am because I really wish I was a more easy going person. I mean, why can't I just be grateful that my Mom did me the favor of getting the mail in the first place. I haven't said anything to her about the mail and I hope I won't. It's really not worth bringing it up because she's only here for one more day and I just don't want to upset her about that.
    I spoke with my boyfriend for a little while today and he was not looking forward to his night tonight. I guess he has to work tomorrow as well. Hopefully he can get out at a decent time then come to my house and take a nap for a while. Alright, that's all I have for now!

Day Sixty Three.

    It felt good to sleep in a while today but I couldn't sleep in all morning because my twin sister was visiting. She initially had said she would be here around 11am and I wanted to fold laundry before she got here, which I did. She ended up showing up around 12pm and she had coffee which I was happy about! The laundry I folded contained mostly the undershirts which I dropped on the floor on Monday morning. It took me longer than usual to fold the laundry but I'm glad that it is done. I also had to throw the sheets from the spare bedroom in the laundry because my Mother is spending the next few days with me and they hadn't been washed since my boyfriend's Brother stayed over. Once my sister arrived we had some lunch and just talked for a few hours. It all went by so fast it felt like we were together for only half an hour.
    Today was the hardest day ever to go to work knowing that my sister was still here and my Mother was coming, but I managed to get there in time for the Wednesday meeting. I actually didn't have a horrible night at work, it was really busy but manageable. I also had time to have dinner and get coffee, it wasn't until almost 9pm but I'm not really complaining. This morning I was able to finish my benefits enrollment because when I went on the website it was fixed! I was so glad that I got that taken care of but I still have to finish my performance review. I think I'm going to try to get some more of that done tomorrow morning, it will just be such a relief when that is finished. When I got home my Mother was in a good mood and we spent a lot of time together talking.
    I spoke with my boyfriend for a few minutes on the phone right before I went to work and he seemed pretty busy. I only heard from him a little bit through texts tonight but he seems stressed about tomorrow because I guess he has to work nights in the City again. The hardest part about him working nights is that he still has to work during the day because he is in charge of so much. I am really starting to look forward to the weekend when we can both do a little bit of relaxing together. As for right now we don't really have plans and I hope it stays that way.
    So I'm pretty disappointed with my dieting this week so far. I thought that it was going to be a good eating week with exercising but that isn't how it's going. When my sister showed up today she brought me some left over brownie cake she had made her Father in Law for his Birthday this last weekend. I ended up eating two pieces of that today plus a bowl of pretzels-in addition to breakfast and dinner. It's really hard to get motivated knowing that I'm going to be freezing and bundled up for the next three months. I need to remind myself that the healthier I eat now will make it so much easier to get into shape when I want to in the spring. I'm good with deadlines so maybe I should give myself a goal of losing 10 pounds by a certain time. I'll give myself a reasonable amount of time, like 6 weeks maybe after the Holiday and see how that goes. Alright, well that's it!

Day Sixty Two.

    When I woke up this morning I immediately realized I went to bed way to late last night. I had to get up to go to my doctors appointment so I couldn't sleep in and it was really rough getting out of bed. I was probably almost five minutes late for my appointment but this office is so slow that it really didn't matter. I think that they are chronically running about 20 minutes behind. A clear sign is the fact that they have TV's everywhere-including the rooms, you really forget how long you've been there when you're being distracted. Anyway, the appointment went much better than I thought and I'm glad that it is over. Afterwards I was right near a Target so I decided to go there and get some supplies, even though I certainly didn't need to. I also thought that since I was in the town with my favorite Italian deli I would treat myself to an Italian mix sub. When I got there I wasn't feeling that great, I guess due to the fact I hadn't eaten anything all day, then I dropped my phone on the ground on the way in, which I never do. Luckily the screen didn't break, just the side of the phone was a little dented which I'm not to worried about.
    I really thought after lunch I would feel better but when I got home I felt so tired and nauseous that I decided to sit down for a while and missed getting to go to the skating rink:( I knew I would be really upset I didn't go but I just couldn't get myself together in time to make it. Instead I ended up doing what I do best....cleaning. I was really excited because when I was at Target I got a new disposable toilet bowel cleaner set and I couldn't wait to get the bathrooms all cleaned up. It worked great! Obviously you reuse the handle but the actual pads are disposable, which I think is much more sanitary than the scrub brushes you reuse. I also vacuumed between the couch cushions, cleaned all the lint from around the dryer door, and gave my dog a bath. I ended up doing my usual laundry, shower routine and instead of doing all the other things I should have done I sat down to read a bit of "Gone With The Wind".  I should say that I'm not really that happy with the condition of my hands right now....they are pretty sore. I definitely need to be better about putting hand cream on them!
    I had spoke with my boyfriend earlier in the day and he said he was going to try to get here around 6pm. I ended up reading my book until he showed up a little bit after 7pm. I was pretty upset that he was so late today because I had been missing him since Saturday and was really looking forward to spending some time with him tonight. It's simply impossible to expect to spend quality time with him during the week anymore. He proceeded to start making dinner than he had another work call so I ended up finishing it. There really wasn't that much time after we ate dinner to do much so we chatted about work for a while then watched a movie. That pretty much summed up my night. My Mother is coming to visit me for the next few days which I am pretty glad about. She is going to be retreating to her winter condo in Florida early next month so I want to try to see her as much as I can before she leaves. I've also felt very lonely so far this evening week so I think it will be good to have her around to keep me company. Alright, until next time!

Day Sixty One.

    I was grumpy today, I'm feeling much better now though! I woke up this morning and got a jump on calling my health insurance company to find out why I'm being over charged for my dental insurance. I was on hold for a seriously long amount of time which I usually don't mind, but really didn't have the patience for this morning. At least with my phone I can just put it on speaker and continue doing things at the same time. Anyway, they weren't able to fix the problem, apparently it's some glitch that happened this weekend. The guy said that it should be fixed within 48 hours, so he said to keep trying the website, I really hope I don't have to call again! So I guess another women in my department had a different issue with the website and has to call them as well. I told her it was a good thing she didn't call today because she would have really hated being on hold as long as I was. After that mess was over I had lunch then took the trash out which I should have done yesterday. Then it was shower time and I had to fold the laundry I had done yesterday.
    It's amazing how fast this morning went because before I knew it I had to go to work. It was a wildly busy night at work. I did have a chance to grab a coffee around 7:30pm, but I was very distracted and felt like I was working too fast. In my life I feel like one of the worst feelings ever is the feeling of being rushed. I just hate it. I think it's because I'm such a perfectionist and it makes me feel so angry when people don't give me time to do things right. Let's face it, you can accomplish a lot of things in a day if you do them all haphazardly and rushed. However, to do them right it takes time and I am always a proponent of doing things right the first time. Ugh, I guess this all comes back to the fact I'm getting super anxious about my performance review at work. If you remember from the start of this blog I explained that it was my performance review which initially got me to start seeking therapy for my OCD. I have been at the same workplace for a while now but I still get anxious at review time. It's not a big surprise that it takes me longer than the average person to do most things at work. It's because when I do things they HAVE to be right or I can't move on. I like to think in my field it should be about quality over quantity, but that isn't necessary the case. Well, I always just hope that my supervisors can see the dedication, hard work, and care I put into every single day I'm at work when they do my assessment.
    I only got to talk to my boyfriend for a little while today during his lunch, almost a whole five minutes! I was secretly hoping that maybe he would show up at my house tonight because yesterday he mentioned something about thinking today was my day off and coming over here, but he wasn't here when I got home. We are supposed to see each other tomorrow but I have a busy day before that will happen. Unfortunately I have a doctors appointment which I'm not looking forward to at all first:( Once I get done the appointment things should turn around because I am going to go skating and then it will be date time. Alright, that's all I have right now!

Day Sixty.

    I got up early today which I was glad about because I was able to get a few things done this morning. At work right now is open enrollment with the health insurance so I really wanted to get that straightened out this morning, however I was annoyed to find out that I think I am being over charged for the dental piece. I was able to update most the information but tomorrow morning I'll have to call work to clarify this before I officially submit the information. Ugh, this month is busy in regards to everything I have to do for work so I was slightly frustrated I wasn't able to at least get that done. I spent quite a while going through that and when I was done half the morning was already over. I ended up putting a load of laundry in and taking a shower.
    Work tonight started busy and ended busy. It's amazing how different working weekends are now then they used to be, because now it doesn't really slow down at all. I didn't even get a chance to get a coffee until after 7pm so then I had to get a half caffeine one because I didn't want to be up all night. A few of us did get some dinner from Panera so I got that Turkey Power salad I love. That's the nickname I'm giving the salad now, but I'm getting nervous because I think it might be only available for a little while longer. We were looking at the menu online and it's not even listed there anymore:( I guess I will save some money if I stop getting it....haha! 
    Before work I spoke with my boyfriend for a little while and it seemed like he was having a good, productive weekend. He was contemplating going to visit his Brother this weekend but I'm glad he stayed at home and got to get some things around his house done. The poor guy is so rarely at his house during the week. Sighs, I am really missing him right now and am looking forward to my day off. I really want to get up early tomorrow morning again so I can try to check some things off my to do list and clear my schedule a little for my day off on Tuesday. At some point this week I am going to have to take all of my Halloween decorations down. I hate taking my Holiday decorations down, it's always so depressing. However, I am very much looking forward to putting my Christmas decorations up!
    I got slightly frustrated this morning before work but I was pretty proud of how I handled it. I got out of the shower and grabbed the clothes which I hadn't folded yet from the day before and started folding. Then I went to put the one undershirt in my drawer when I pulled the whole drawer out and it fell on the floor. I was just paralyzed for a few minutes because I couldn't believe it happened and I was sure what to do. However, instead of getting upset and feeling like I just created a lot of work for myself, because obviously everything which fell on the floor needs to be laundered, I spun it into a positive thing. See, I had been meaning to go through my undershirt drawer because there are a lot of them which are too grungy to wear but I just hadn't had the time to sort through it. This incident forced me to go through the drawer so it was really a good thing! I ended up throwing out about six shirts which I don't wear anymore and creating some more room in the drawer. Alright, well I guess that's all for now!

Day Fifty Nine.

    I had a really good sleep last night which was a great way to start this weekend of work. I ended up sleeping in just enough and actually getting several things done. I put a load of laundry in, then took a shower and my boyfriend ending up making us breakfast then he mowed the yard. He did such a fantastic job, the yard is now all ready for the winter. So my boyfriend ended up buying that used car from last weekend, so he had asked me if I could give him a ride up to his office to drop him off so that he could bring his Mother's car back to my house and keep it in my driveway. I'm not sure if I had mentioned before that since both his vehicles weren't working he was using his Mom's car. Anyway, he works about 25 minutes North of my house, but it actually didn't seem to take that long, I think because it's the weekend there wasn't much traffic. On our way up to his office I realized my car inspection was over two months old! Now I find this hysterical that I completely forgot again since two years ago I got a ticket for not having my car inspected which actually cost me almost $800. That was only because I had to get new tires in order for it to pass! Anyway, my boyfriend was so sweet he said once we got back to my house he would take it down the street to the Jiffy Lube.
    It was only about 2pm when we got home and I was already ready for work so I decided to unload the dishwasher. If you can believe it I was just getting done that when my boyfriend walked in, I thought the Jiffy Lube was closed but he had already gotten the car inspected! I guess no one was there, but it was so nice of him to do that for me. He left to go home at that point and I finished getting ready and headed to work. This night wasn't that horrible but as the night progressed it got more and more busy. That can sometimes be the worst part about working evenings, because just when you're getting tired the pace picks up! When I got home from work I did not wipe the bottom of my sneakers off which is good, plus I thought I did an excellent job tonight suppressing my hand washing. The only thing I did do was wash off the hallway entrance a little bit and that is only because after my boyfriend got done mowing the yard he told me he had dog poop on his shoes! He claimed he didn't actually put his shoes on the ground but I couldn't fully trust that.
     I didn't end up eating dinner at work so when I got home I made a Lean Cuisine. I am really going to try to focus on eating better, I mean I can't believe how much weight I've gained in the past two months. I get so depressed when I'm heavier, I just don't like myself when I feel frumpy. I don't want to be really strict with my eating but there are a few changes I can make that I know will make a difference with how I feel. For instance there really isn't any legitimate excuse I have for not exercising at least three days a week. I was having this discussion with my sister, I definitely waste at least an hour an a half a week doing things I don't really need to do which I could replace with working out. I am hopefully going to be better about getting to the ice rink as well whenever I can because that is such a good workout. Well that's all for now!

Day Fifty Seven.

    I really had such a hard time trying to get up this morning, in fact, I was almost 10 minutes late to work. In my job being late just a few minutes is a big deal....where I work you are relieving the next shift so you can't be late at all. I felt bad, but sometimes when I'm running late I try to remind myself how late I stay sometimes. At any rate, it was another busy day but it went by even faster than any of the previous days this week, which was good. I also felt like I was getting a lot taken care of which is a terrific feeling to have at the end of the day. When I got home from work I did not wipe my shoes off and I didn't even have time to take a shower because I had plans for 6pm. I decided that it would be better to use my time more wisely and balance my check book instead of trying to take a rushed shower.
    I hadn't decided officially until right after work what I was going to do tonight, but I ended up going to this Lia Sophia party that a good friend of mine was hosting. In fact she is the girl whom my boyfriend and I had dinner with a few weeks ago. I had never been to one of these before and thought it might be interesting. I was actually feeling a little stressed about this whole evening's plan because my one sister had asked me if I wanted to go to a concert with her, but I couldn't quite figure out the logistics....mainly due to my dog. This sister has been away on business for almost two weeks so I was feeling pretty upset about not getting to see her, but she made me feel a lot better about the whole situation because she is going to stop by for lunch tomorrow, which is great! She ended up going to the concert with another one of my sisters, so it seems to have worked out pretty well. At the end of the day I think I made the right decision; the party ended up being a lot of fun. It was nice spending a girls night out which didn't include going to a bar to drink and pick up guys....haha. I ended up buying myself a bracelet and three pairs of earrings! I also got a Christmas present as well!
    I was really anxious before going to the party and I even called my sister who was headed to her concert to talk about it. I was mainly anxious about the fact that I would have to try jewelry on in front of a whole bunch of women I don't know with swollen, red hands. My sister was so sweet when I called her and really relaxed me about the fact that it wouldn't be that bad. She was right, what they had to try on wasn't even anything I wanted to buy, so in the end I didn't try anything on! I did feel a little nervous about not really wanting to overly wash my hands while I was there, but I did fine. When I came home which was a little after 9pm, I did take a quick shower after I had a bite to eat.
    After the shower, I spoke with my boyfriend on the phone for a little while to try to solidify plans for tomorrow and that was pretty much my night. It felt really nice to relax at home with my dog and some wine tonight after the party. I ended up watching a lot of "Impractical Jokers" on YouTube, those guys just make me laugh so much. Alright, that's all I've got for tonight!

Day Fifty Six.

    It was an interesting morning having so many people in the house....haha, well three people to be exact. We all had to work this morning and ended up leaving just about the same time. I was a little stressed due to the fact that today was meeting day so I was trying to make sure to get there right on time, especially since I was scheduled to go to the first one. I made it there on time, which is good because the meeting was on a topic I needed some refreshing on. The day started out at a very good pace, but after noon it got wild. There was just a lot going on and I felt bad because I ended up leaving a fair amount of unfinished business. I guess that is the nature of the job though.
    After work was over I will say that I was super stressed. I knew it because I couldn't stop washing my hands. I did not wipe the bottom of my shoes but I did decide to clean the floor in the hallway and clean up the bathroom a little bit again. I decided to put laundry in the washing machine but not start it because I wanted to take a really long shower and not have to worry about the washing machine taking all the water. The shower I took for some reason was probably one of the longest I have taken in a while. I did do some minor grooming, but still, when the shower was over my hands were really pruney. I hate that feeling so much, it really grosses me out so when the shower was over I stayed away from the water for a few minutes so they could dry out a bit. Once the shower was over I started the laundry and played fetch with my puppy.
    Yesterday I had asked my boyfriend if he could come over tonight instead of tomorrow and he though that was a good idea. He has a meeting tomorrow evening and there are a few things that I have to do as well, so I thought we would get a lot more quality time together doing it this way. What to have for dinner became the issue of the evening but we ended up getting some pizza from our favorite local restaurant. Neither of us wanted to do any cooking tonight! I will say that lately I have been eating terrible and I feel like I'm starting to notice. Next week is my evening week and that is always a good time for me to get back on track, plus I really hope that I will get back on the elliptical.
    My boyfriend could tell that I was really stressed tonight because the first thing he noticed was all the soap built up in the sink. The soap in the sink has always been a very embarrassing part of my hand washing, mainly when company comes over. It's just such an odd thing for a person to have 2 feet of soap bubbles sticking out of there sink....ugh, not normal. I remember in my old relationship when the OCD had really started to set in I used to spend a lot of time hiding my soap bubbles. I would use anything from household cleaners to hand sanitizers to try to kill the bubbles. I really only try to shrink them now when new people come over and sometimes when my Mom comes as well because it upsets her so much. Well, that's all I've got for tonight!

Day Fifty Five.

    Today at work got busy again....not so much in the morning but definitely in the afternoon. I was able to get a bite for breakfast and my coffee but wasn't able to eat anything for lunch. It really wasn't as bad as it sounds though because it went by really fast and I got a lot done. Plus I am happy because I got the switch I was looking for, out of an evening shift in December, which is the day of my boyfriend's work Christmas party. They have it at a really nice hotel about 30 minutes north of where I live so I thought it would be nice this year to go and get a room so we wouldn't have to worry about driving.
    I had to stop at the food store after work to grab stuff for dinner which ended up taking me forever. My boyfriend was coming over but we had already decided that we were going to have corned beef with french onion soup. While I was there I was having a hard time figuring out what cheese would be the best for the soup. I kept looking up recipes while I was in the store until finally I decided on swiss cheese and mozzarella. My boyfriend had also asked me last night if it would be okay if his Brother spent the night as well so I had to make sure I got enough for everyone. Once I got home I put my regular clothes laundry in, took a shower and then they arrived together. We had a nice time; my boyfriend and I made dinner together which turned out pretty tasty. I felt like it took me a while to clean up the kitchen tonight or maybe I was just tired and didn't feel like doing it. After dinner my boyfriend's Brother made us watch this really weird "cult classic" movie called "Troll 2". It was probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen, but they kept asking me if I wanted them to change it and I kept saying no. I feel like when you've vested so much time in a bad movie you might as well see the end.
    I had a lot of obsessive urges when I got home from the store before I got in the shower today. That slowed me down quite a bit. The thing which took the most time was cleaning the toilet in the downstairs bathroom because I knew I was having a guest over. I ran out of the usual toilet cleaning stuff I usually use and wasn't able to finish the job so of course I'm annoyed. The toilet downstairs gets more dirty I think because it's not used as much and you get water marks. The good news is that I didn't have the urge to wipe my shoes down after work today. It's so nice getting home and not having to do that because it can really take up to ten minutes by the time the whole process is done. That doesn't sound like a lot of time but it is when you do it everyday! Alright I guess that's all for tonight....sorry this felt like a boring blog. I am tired.

Day Fifty Four.

    I am having a hard time concentrating on this entry because I'm watching "Impractical Jokers" and it's making me laugh so hard. The show really is hysterical. So like I had said yesterday I had to get up super early this morning because I was still at my boyfriends but I was very glad that I had no problem getting to sleep. Even though I did sleep it was still only about five and a half hours which isn't quite enough for me. It's almost 10:30pm now and I can't believe I'm still awake! The ride actually went pretty smooth and very fast. It's not the worst thing listening to music kind of easing into my day....but when I got to work I felt as though I had been awake for five hours already! The day was a lot more calm than it was on Friday which was a very nice treat. I felt like I got everything I had to get done and even had time to do some extra research which is always nice.
    As soon as I got done work, which was on time today, I couldn't stop thinking about whether I should wash my sheets or my regular clothes first. I am glad with my ultimate decision to wash my sheets and blanket because I knew that would give me anxiety all night trying to sleep on dirty sheets. It was really nice getting out of work on time because I was able to get both loads done so tomorrow I can do my regular clothes wash and be caught up! It's actually pretty embarrassing when I talk about my laundry obsession....I really wonder if my boyfriend is right and that no one thinks about laundry as much as me:( I know I've said this before but I will keep repeating it just in case one day it sinks in, but laundry is such a stupid thing to try to get caught up on because you never can. So last week at work I was proud of myself because I only washed the bottom of my shoes off one day, unfortunately today when I got home it was the first thing I did. I also wiped down the front hallway floor. I really need to get another door mat for that area before the winter sets in but I hate how gross they can get. To me it's so much easier to just wipe down the hardwood floor with some floor oil and be done with it.
    I was really surprised with how much time I felt I had at home tonight, because I got out of work early and didn't have errands to run I guess. Besides the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, changing the sheets, and showering I was also able to work on my performance review paper work that is due at the end of the month. I spoke with my boyfriend tonight around 9:30pm and he was still driving home from work. I can't believe how busy he still is at work, it's just the kind of thing which can really burn a person out. At least this last weekend he seemed to relax a bit. It's still always filled with work, I mean all throughout the day on Saturday and Sunday he was answering emails as well as phone calls about work. It never ends! Well I guess that's it for tonight!

Day Fifty Three.

    Waking up at my boyfriends house today was awesome. I really don't get to spend much time here but when I do it's very comforting. There's something really nice about being around all of his stuff and the longer we're together it's getting more interesting for me to hear stories about how he acquired it all. We spent a couple of hours here having coffee, breakfast, and getting ready, then we headed out. My boyfriend wanted to look at a car he found online for sale which was near my Mother's house so we were going to see her afterwards.
    I get so nervous when we have to go look at things he finds online to buy. This time it was somewhere in the middle of nowhere, so I said I would wait in the car....which I did! These people actually seemed pretty normal but my boyfriend isn't sure if the car is worth it, so he is going to try to talk the guy down in price. It was almost 4pm when we got to my Mom's house and she already had dinner underway. She was making the prime rib roast that my boyfriend had gotten her for her Birthday. It was a really nice visit and I could tell she has been lonely so I am very glad we went. We left around 7pm and got back a little after 8pm.
    I am really not looking forward to the drive tomorrow morning because I am going to have to get up at 5am, drive home to drop my dog off then get to work by 7am....blah. I remind myself that I don't do this often plus it's great getting another night with my boyfriend. I am already thinking about the laundry I have to do after work and I really want to do the sheets first. I hate sleeping on dirty sheets! I feel like this weekend went by so fast and I am not really ready to go back to work. Last week was so busy and stressful it is going to be really difficult if this week is the same. Oh well....it does go fast when it's busy.
    My hands don't look too terrible tonight and I did pretty well at Mom's not washing too much. I felt bad after dinner because she wouldn't let me help her clean the dishes. She can be really particular about how she wants things done....just like me! Alright, until tomorrow!

Day Fifty Two.

    Today was a very good day. Even though we woke up late it still turned out to be productive and fun. My boyfriend went right to yard work because I had a ton of leaves....it took a long time. While he was doing that I took the shower I despirately needed.  After about forty minutes he said I was out of lawn bags so I went with him to get more and coffee:)
    When we got back I folded laundry from the day before, went through the mail and packed for his place. The yard looked great when he was done and I was really grateful that he did all of it for me! Once the yard was finished we decided to have a conversation about dinner. Neither one of us really knew what we wanted but we finally decided on pizza. My boyfriend and I have both wanted to try a new place out near where he lived so we figured I would just pick it up on the way to his place. It  was sweet because he took my dog so that I didn't have to....I just really hate driving with her sometimes. He is better with her because he puts his foot down where as I don't and she stomps on me the entire time. When I got to his place we ate then went to visit his parents who happened to be up at their camp this weekend right down the road from his house.
    It's always so nice to spend time with my boyfriend's parents. His mother is so sweet and so easy to talk to; she always makes me feel very comfortable. I enjoyed a bottle wine throughout the evening and thought I did a very good job of not washing my hands. They are adding an addition to the camp so the water situation is kind of difficult. I knew that going in which made it easier to deal with but it's still hard not having a sink I can just go to any time I'm feeling anxious. I have really been trying hard to use hand cream more because I really hate how sore my hands have been already this winter. It really does work! Alright that's it for now!

Day Fifty One.

    This entry is late....we went out last night:) When we got in I had no energy to blog so I just decided I'd do it today. Once again work was really overwhelmingly busy yesterday with me barely having enough time to get everything done. I was really glad that it was Friday! A woman at work is getting married at the end of the month so her surprise bridal shower was at the end of the day and I will say that the cake was amazing! Apparently it was from Hannaford and it was superb. I ended up not getting to my car until about 4:30pm and had just enough time to deposit my check in the bank before it closed at 5pm. Then I was free:)
    I really wanted to get another load of laundry in before the weekend because I knew I'd be going to my boyfriends house so I threw that in once I got home, then took a shower. I was expecting my boyfriend early but wasn't that shocked when he didn't show up until 6:30pm....I guess he knew I'd be upset because he came in with a dozen beautiful peach roses. He said he didn't want to walk into this house empty handed. It was a really sweet gesture and I really appreciated the fact that he acknowledged the fact that I would be upset. I don't expect that kind of thing all the time but I felt like in this circumstance with everything that has been going on it was the perfect thing for him to do!
    We ended up going out to eat and getting a few drinks on a pretty popular street in the town where I live, then meeting up with my best friend later on. She brought another one of her good girl friends and they actually didn't show up to the bar until about 12pm. My poor boyfriend didn't really have that great of a time because he was driving and it turned into a lot of girl talk. I think it must be harder for one guy to be around a bunch of girls than the other way around because anytime his friends are around they are all guys and I always do just fine. Unfortunately last night I had to use a lot of undesirable public restrooms so as soon as I got up this morning I got right in the shower. I felt so gross....worse than usual. Plus I'm already obsessing about when I'm going to be able to wash my bed sheets and all the clothes I wore out last night. Ugh. It's a vicious cycle because I love going out but the negative consequence is that the next day it always brings about a lot of anxiety and work. Alright, until later!

Day Fifty.

    I can't believe I've been doing this blog everyday for fifty days! Gosh, if only I were that devoted to exercising....I'd really look great:) Anyway let's see....today at work was really a blur. It just went by so fast it was unbelievable and that was with me staying until 4pm. I find it really hard to finish up at exactly 3pm when the next person arrives so often I spend most of the rest of the time doing all the extra things I didn't quite get to. I was able to get a coffee but nothing else....so when I was waiting for my friend to finish up I scarfed down my yogurt and Special K 100 calorie Fruit Crisp. It was nice getting to walk out of work with my friend, we usually do it everyday when I'm on day shift but we've both been getting out at odd times and missing each other. We had a lot of catching up to do!
    Once I got home I was going back and forth about whether I should run out to Target or not. I am really glad that I ultimately decided to do it because all of a sudden my weekend plans have really filled up and I wouldn't of had time until next week. Of course I had to get soap:( Actually it wasn't an emergency, I had really just ran out of the SoftSoap I use in the kitchen because I usually only buy two of those at a time due to the fact I don't use as much in the kitchen as I do the bathroom. I was very excited to find out that once again they had price cut the soap I get to $2.99! I also got paper towels, that wasn't an emergency either, but I figured I better get them since I was there and they were on sale as well! I spent a good amount of time looking for light bulbs for the fixture above my sink which I really like to use but it's been out for a while now. I couldn't find the exact match but found one I thought would work, but unfortunately it must be the fixture, not the bulb, because it didn't work! I have the same light fixtures above the breakfast bar area too so I tried one of those bulbs in the fixture above the sink and still nothing happened. Now I am slightly obsessing that there is water in my ceiling which may be causing the electrical problem. Ugh. I got a few other things as well and was a little perturbed because two of the items on my list they didn't have. The fluoride mouthwash wasn't anywhere to be found and neither were the vacuum bags for my shop vac....grr.
    On the way home I stopped at Panera to get that same salad I've been obsessing about for weeks so I wouldn't have to mess with dinner. I had a minor breakdown after the salad and before my shower for some reason. I was gathering all the trash because it is trash day tomorrow and once I was done that I was about to go upstairs to shower, when for some reason, I decided to check the bottom of the shoes I wore all day long. I did that and didn't see anything that bad but decided I had better run them under the sink. After about ten minutes of washing them I had to clean the sink area with Clorox, then the floor, then check the floor in the shoe room, then finally I could proceed to my shower. It was frustrating because my hands were sore before I even got in the shower and they look terrible now. I have a long cut on the knuckle of my left index finger which keeps bleeding and it's driving me crazy.
    After I showered I folded laundry then had a conversation with my boyfriend on the phone. We didn't talk about yesterday at all and I was in a much more pleasant mood tonight, even though I didn't hear from him all day again today. It was interesting because my Mother called me tonight and I ended up having a long conversation with her about things. She told me plain and simple, "try not to get too emotional when you're upset with him". Funny my Mother saying that, the most emotional person I know! I'm hoping we can go out for a nice dinner, just the two of us, tomorrow without his work interrupting us and I can feel a little less overlooked. Alright, that's it for now!

Day Fourty Nine.

    It's so windy outside right now that it's really freaking my dog out. She keeps barking hysterically at the sound which means I am definitely going have to put some music on when we go to bed tonight. Work was really busy today, I felt like no matter what I couldn't catch up. It was also meeting day Wednesday and I didn't get to go, which was unfortunate because it was about the new way we are going to be asking for days off via the computer. I spoke with a co-worker and she said it didn't really seem like rocket science and I should be able to pick it up:) I got coffee around 10am and ate breakfast pretty much knowing I wouldn't have time to eat anything for lunch which I was right about. I ended up eating my Fiber One bar on the walk back to my car around 4pm. Last time I was at the food store I got these huge green grapes and I have been munching on them for days, so when I got home I had some of those and a little thing of cottage cheese.
    I was happy that I didn't really have to go out anywhere tonight and that turned out ideal because it was almost 5pm before I got home. I had all this mail in the mailbox which turned out to be a bunch of junky Christmas present magazines. It's annoying because I made that one mistake a few years back of ordering out of one of them and every year I get 10 times more! I ended up recycling them....I feel bad just throwing them right away so I kind of glance through them until I thoroughly convince myself they are full of junk. For some reason I had a huge desire to put the self clean on the oven on so I did that....it kept the house really warm all evening! I really thought I was going to get on the elliptical tonight but I couldn't muster up the desire to do that. I did do some planking and some exercises on my mat before I put clothes in the laundry and took a shower.
    It was really exciting that I was done my shower before 7pm so I made myself a big salad for dinner with a chopped up chicken patty on top to get that out of the way as well. It was alright, my dog hated it because she didn't really get much of the chicken because there wasn't much to spare. All in all I had a very good eating day which makes me happy after all the candy I've been eating. Afterwards I was really excited to sit down and read my book. I got about an hour in and proceeded to fall asleep. I rarely do that, but I had a hard time sleeping Monday night and didn't get to bed until almost 12pm last night, so I think it was the combination which did me in. I guess I can say it probably has something to do with how constantly busy it has been at work as well. For some reason now more than ever I am really obsessing about the laundry and it has been driving me crazy. It's Wednesday and I'm already stressing about whether or not I'll be able to do another load before the weekend. It doesn't help that I have no idea what we're going to do this weekend either, so I have no idea how to prepare. I don't understand why I can't just relax about it, I surely have enough clothes to get me through several days. I guess it's just the thought of having so much to do all at once after the weekend which petrifies me. Ugh.
    I didn't hear from my boyfriend until 9pm tonight when he said he was still at the office and that he'd call me on the way home. Instantly I was annoyed and probably shouldn't have even bothered answering when he called. I really thought that him being busy at work was supposed to be calming down now but I guess not. I guess the main reason I was annoyed was that I didn't hear from him once all day long, I really don't know how hard it would have been to text me once! I knew that the first ten minutes of the phone call was going to be him complaining about how busy his day was....then maybe he'd get to asking about mine. I was being more quiet than usual and after about 15 minutes in he did the annoyed "well if you're not going to talk then I'll just talk to you tomorrow thing". He went on this huge rant about how rude it is that I get quiet sometimes on the phone and blah blah blah. I forget I'm not supposed to ever be upset about anything. I just don't really know what he wants me to say because I am stuck in this rut of feeling that he thinks my life is completely trivial. The phone conversation was horrible. I also don't think he realizes how draining it is to finally be at the end of my day and have to hear how terrible his went....I may add that this happens almost every single day. I really want to be a support to him but there's only so much negativity one person can take, it would be nice to have a cheerful conversation every once in a while then it always being about how much he hates his job right now. The last thing is that this is one of my day weeks and it feels more to me like an evening week because the next time I will see him is Friday night. It's horrible to say but sometimes I really don't feel like I have a boyfriend at all anymore. That was a terrible rant and I'm upset I wrote it because complaining about a fight my boyfriend and I had is not the reason for this blog so I apologize. Good night.

Day Fourty Eight.

    My first day back after my three day weekend was a very busy, high stress day at work. I had a feeling all day long that I was forgetting to do things and can't seem to shake it. I hate it when I feel I have to rush through the day and not be able to completely concentrate on everything I do. I tried to get out at a reasonable time which I did, I ended up leaving before 4pm.
    I had several things to do when I got done work but I ended up stopping home first because I forgot the location of my voting place. After I voted I had to stop at the bank, the food store and then the pet store to pick up my dogs food. It wasn't the worst visit to the pet store today, I only saw one cat but of course this one was sitting right on the counter top at the register! I tried to ignore it the best I could but when I got home my dog could definitely smell it. She spent a good 10 minutes sniffing every edge of the bag of food and me. I was pretty excited because when I left the voting place my boyfriend texted me that he was on the way....I couldn't believe he really got out of work early!
    When I got home I didn't have to wait to long until he got there and he started making dinner right away. The prep work was really intense and I was trying to help as much as I could before I hopped in the shower. It can be hard when I make dinner because I get really obsessive about the mess. This dinner actually was not bad because I got most of the clean up done before the meal was ready. We didn't eat until 9pm which is a little later than I wanted, but the Mexican beef stew was great. We were really surprised that it wasn't more spicy because he used a lot of hot peppers, but I think they got cooked down a lot. After we ate I finished cleaning up the mess and tried not to spend to much time on the little details. Like usual I try to convince myself that I will have plenty of time tomorrow when I'm alone to do all the obsessive clean up and that it's not right to do it when my boyfriend is here. I was a little upset with myself because after dinner I had some candy. Ugh, I really need to stop eating so much candy and get back into eating right. Alright, that's it for now.

Day Fourty Seven.

    So today I ended up doing exactly what I didn't want to end up doing but in the end it still turned out to be a nice day. I had a very hard time getting out of bed this morning due to the fact it was freezing. I ended up hitting snooze for a long time and did not get out of bed until about noon. I am really going to try not to feel to guilty about sleeping in today because it was my day off. After I got up I slowly started my day with coffee, then folded laundry and emptied the dishwasher. The biggest thing I wanted to accomplish was vacuuming my car but I decided to vacuum the house first. By the time I got out to the car it was already 4pm and really cold outside. I spent a good hour getting the car cleaned up and once I was done that, it was dark outside! It takes me a long time to vacuum the main floor of the house especially under the couch because it's so big and hard to move. I am glad it's done though and hopefully with the cleaning I did today it will enable me to read my book in my other down time this week!
    Yesterday when I had went to the food store with my boyfriend I got all the things necessary to make salad, which is what I thought I would want for dinner tonight, but I really was craving macaroni and cheese so that's what I ate. I just made the Velveeta Shells and Cheese which is even more horrible for you then the regular kind, but it's not like I eat it all the time. I won't lie I also had some candy as well....I hope that tomorrow I can get back to not eating everything in sight. I paid some bills before dinner which was kind of depressing because I had to pay my escrow shortage. Every year I forget I have to pay that and I was telling my boyfriend while we were on the phone tonight that I'm lucky I had the money. With the Holidays around the corner I'm going to have to start being more frugal with my money!
    I spoke with my boyfriend for almost a good hour on the phone tonight which was nice. It's really so much better for our relationship when I'm on day shift and not working evenings. He said he is going to come over early tomorrow because he's excited about making a rather complicated dinner....Mexican beef stew. He's all excited about it, I can't believe that he's actually going to be here at 5pm and there's a chance if he is, he might beat me home because I will be voting. I also have a few other errands to run also but they shouldn't take long, one of which is buying my dog food. I started getting her dog food at the pet store right on the corner but I hate it there because it's filled with cats. No lie, I call it cat hell. They pop out of everywhere with no warning which freaks me out, but the store sucked me into this ploy where if I buy eleven bags of dog food I'll get the twelfth free. Since my dog is all of eleven pounds it seriously might take me five years to get the free bag but hey, why not?!
    I spoke with my Mom on the phone tonight which went pretty well, in fact she called me. We talked a lot about the Halloween party and the voting tomorrow. Well, I think that's really all I have for tonight!
   
   

Day Fourty Six.

    I already said this at the end of my last blog but I will say it again, I really wasn't feeling well this morning. After I got up then had a cup of coffee, ibuprofen, and something to eat I was back to normal. Since we had my coworker with us we ended up leaving my sisters house earlier than I would have liked. I felt like I didn't really have that much time to spend with my twin sister but it was nice that I had the afternoon to spend with my boyfriend. We ended up going to the food store to pick things up to make pizza for dinner right when we got home. My one sister had made pulled pork for the party and I was upset I didn't get any last night so I brought some back so we decided to make pulled pork BBQ pizza with it. My boyfriend made it and it came out great! I also had a bunch of candy afterwards:)
    One of the best things about my sisters party is that everyone dresses up and I love seeing all the different costumes. So my twin sister went as a chef and her husband was a giant bottle of Schlitz beer. My second to oldest sister and her husband went as a socket and plug....haha it was funny! My oldest sister and her husband were Woody and Jessie from "Toy Story" which was really great! Their dog even went as Slinky which was super cute! My twin sisters dog won the award for best costume because he was dressed as a lobster....it was hysterical. With some of the left over scrap pieces of felt from my skirt I had made my dog a matching skirt so she went as a mini version of me, I even put the letter of her first name on it. The party went by so fast which made me kind of sad and I really didn't see my boyfriend much. He spends a lot of time with the boys which is fine but when we went to bed I felt I hadn't seen him all night!
    I took tomorrow off of work which is nice for me unfortunately my boyfriend still has to go in. There are a lot of things which I need to do but I really hope I can suppress my urge to clean all day and read my book a little bit. I definitely hope I can at least get to vacuuming my car because with the winter coming up I am running out of time to do that. I won't lie I have a little bit of the Sunday night blues which is odd because I have the day off tomorrow so I kind of thought that wouldn't happen. It's just hard sometimes when I go from having people around me to being alone. I have also had a problem since childhood of looking forward to things to much then being upset when they are over, for example the Halloween party.
    I did have a heart to heart with my boyfriend tonight about how I am not looking forward to spending another winter with separate houses. I just remember how hard it was last year because he really can't leave his house alone that long in the winter so I felt we spent a lot of time apart. He actually said maybe he should move in here for this winter. I guess my concern with that is that it wouldn't really be our place and he kind of agreed with that. I just told him that maybe he should just get in the habit of leaving his house ready for several nights away, just incase the weather or work makes it hard for him to get home. I'm really not trying to speed this relationship but I think that it would help us both out if we lived together. With my boyfriend working so much he barely has time to do his laundry and the cleaning at his house, which are things I could be helping him out with.
    My boyfriend and I also had a conversation about me writing this blog because he stopped reading it. I was a bit hurt about that but he honestly said he just didn't want it to turn into my way of communicating things to him that I didn't want to do in person. I really respect that and I actually think it's better for me to not have him reading it anyway. There are times when it's helpful to vent my frustration about us on here but I don't want him to read into them or get the wrong idea. I will honestly say that the few times I was really angry at him writing it down then re-reading it makes it easier for me to relate to his side and calms my anger. Alright well I had better get some sleep I am tired!

Day Fourty Five.

    This post is the latest I've ever been because I was not in the right state of mind to be posting last night! With that being said the party was great and I was really proud of how my outfit turned out. My boyfriend went as James Dean and I was his date with a hand made traditional 50's style "poodle skirt" which I customized with pink flamingo appliques. Everyone was really impressed with the fact that I made my skirt which left me feeling very happy! I liked all my sisters costumes and will go into more detail about them on my blog later.
    My friend from work came along with us and that worked out really well. She is a lot of fun and had expressed sadness the other week because she didn't think she would get to dress up for Halloween so her getting to come to the party was nice. I was a little nervous about bringing someone new into my OCD world, but she was already aware of the fact that I wash my hands a lot because of seeing me at work. I tried to tone it down a little bit when she was at my house and I was getting things together to leave. That can actually be worse because it makes me more anxious which makes me wash my hands even more. Once we got to the party I was actually not nervous at all and very comfortable around her so I didn't really suppress my hand washing anymore. It was good because she seemed really at ease around my family, which isn't really that hard to be honest, because they are great. It was really nice seeing all my sisters and getting to spend time with them....they really are one of the best parts of my life.
    I drank a lot last night and woke up today feeling horrible. I also didn't really eat as much as I wanted to last night which might have made the hang over even worse. Alright I guess that's it until later!

Day Fourty Four.

    I woke up in a really good mood this morning which by the end of the day seemed to have faded away, which I'll explain why later. I was really glad that I showered last night because I was able to just get right up this morning and get ready for my errands. The errands were some what productive. I went to the pet store to look for a shirt to complete my dogs costume and the only one I found was way to small. I ended up cutting the sleeves and most the mid section so I could at least get it on her. The shirt was only $5 so I don't feel that bad! Then I ended up going to one of my least favorite stores, Walmart, to see if they had any letter appliques which I could put on my shirt to complete my costume. I was really excited to find out that they did! I couldn't believe some of the prices at Walmart, I mean, I swear that Target is by far the better deal. I also hate the general Walmart clientele, no offense to anyone, but really where do some of these people come from?!
    Once I got home I only had time to eat lunch and take off to work. Once I was at work I was in a great mood because I knew once the day was over I had a three day weekend! Unfortunately with half an hour left to go I realized where I was working there was a certain infestation nearby....you know, those bugs I can't say the whole name. In just one second it completely ruined my entire day....completely. All of a sudden my plan of coming home to relax with my boyfriend turned into how fast I could get my clothes off and into a shower. Ugh, it was the worst because I really didn't want to take a shower tonight but it was inevitable. I figured it would be a good idea to call my boyfriend on the way home to pre warn him about what had happened, plus I thought it might calm my nerves a little bit. Of course I wasn't listening to anything he had to say and as soon as I walked in the door I was snapping his head off until I got into the shower. The worst part is that a shower is not going to be the end of this, I am going to obsess about what happened tonight for at least a couple of weeks. After I showered we ate the dinner which he picked up for us then made the cookies I wanted to make for the party tomorrow. I was in a pretty bad mood until about half way through when he couldn't take my mood anymore and asked me what he had done. As best as I could I tried to explain that it wasn't him, it was me, blah blah blah. After doing all that explaining I ended up feeling a lot better and almost my normal self again. I guess I just needed him to listen.
    I can't believe that tomorrow is the day of the Halloween party and I am still not 100% done my costume. There are a few things I have to do tomorrow morning to finish up and my shoes have not arrived yet. I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that they might never show up and figuring out what I could use instead. Tomorrow I am also going to have to put icing on the cookies as well because we didn't do that tonight. Time is an issue as well, we are bringing my coworker to the party and I have to be done with everything at 3:30pm. That doesn't seem like a lot of time! Alright with that being said I better get to bed:)

Day Fourty Three.

    I am finished my skirt, well the sewing part anyway. Swoosh. Although I'm really pretty sure I won't be winning "Project Runway" anytime soon I am pretty proud that I will actually be able to wear something I made:) I got up early today, well early for me it was about 10am, and carefully pinned the waistband so I could get right to it when I got done work. It was very helpful when I went to sew it tonight, I mean it certainly isn't perfect by any means but it's not terrible. I tried the skirt on with the top I bought and it wasn't half bad, but there are some pretty important details left. I will add that I did not get my belt in the mail today! When I got out of work tonight I decided to take a shower because I have to run to the pet store tomorrow morning and try to find a shirt to match the skirt I quickly threw together for my dog today. This way the shower is out of the way and I won't feel that rushed in the morning. The other reason I really felt I had to shower tonight was that where I was working I had to use a phone I don't usually use and I am sure it hasn't been wiped down in about 10 years. It was one of those situations where I couldn't not use the phone so I had to suck it up and deal, but I certainly wasn't putting my dirty phone ear on my clean pillow!
    Tonight at work was surprisingly slow for it being Halloween, but I am not complaining. It was actually a really good pace and I learned a lot tonight which always makes me happy. I really do enjoy the fact that my job requires constant learning and it's really impossible to get stale. This morning I finished the cookies I started last night and I was really happy with how they turned out, unfortunately I put parchment paper between the layers and the icing stuck to the cookies:( Only the top layer ended up being okay, it looked like people were still eating them but they probably weren't half as good without the caramel icing. I ended up not eating that many snacks at work tonight but I did come home and eat cheesy bagel pizza. I kind of regret the decision to eat that though. The problem is that I have been having problems with my microwave so I didn't want to use it and thought using the stove instead would be a better idea. I didn't have mozzarella cheese so I ended up using a taco cheese which, when put on top of a bagel covered in marinara and cooked in the oven for 5 minutes, doesn't taste anything like my boyfriends cheesy bagel pizzas:( Then I had four pieces of candy after I finished the skirt!
    As I was saying before I got up early today and couldn't believe how much I got done before work! It was amazing, I folded laundry, made cookies, prepared my skirt for sewing, and still had time to relax a little bit. It helped because I went to bed at a decent time last night, but now it's really late already and it's going to be hard to get up that early tomorrow. I have been trying hard this week to remember to put hand cream on and I think it's helped some. I still think one of the biggest problems is that the soap at work is so harsh because the weeks when I work everyday they tend to be worse. I often wonder what would happen if I switched to all bar soap in my bathroom. It just seems like it would be a pain, but I notice when I go on vacations and strictly use bar soap my hands always look better. Actually I'm not sure how much of that is the bar soap or the fact I'm just not washing my hands that much because I'm not in my house constantly cleaning! Stuff to think about, well that's it for now!